now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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