so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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