You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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