I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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