this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Farmville is her only friend.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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