I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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