I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
