If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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