WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you never un-have a 4some
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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