i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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