on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
