how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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