it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
