We're facebook friends in real life
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
