drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
