absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
