How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
