i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
