No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
