why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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