apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
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