If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
