I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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