love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
