we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
