just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
