you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it hurts more in the daytime
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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