All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
