Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
