i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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