glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
