Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
