my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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