she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize
