he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
