Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
