Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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