I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
