i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
