Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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