So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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