It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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