so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
