i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
