Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
A+ Viking dick
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
