After last night, I could never be a politician.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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