i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
