I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I am available for nakedness
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
