I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
