i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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