im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
