it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
