so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You are a genius and a whore.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
