sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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