He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
